Learning to not take things personally is such a gift to yourself.
I am a sensitive person.
I love it when people say “yes” to me. I love it when people want to be my friend, receive my blogs, or coach with me.
I have now learned, after several decades of living and plenty of coaching, to love it when people say “no” to me. It is a skill I have to practice.
If someone doesn’t want to be friends with me, or if someone unsubscribes from my email list or isn’t interested in my coaching, they are simply not “my people” –– and that is a good thing!
I don’t want to bother those people who are not interested in me or in what I do, or those people whose personalities or thinking don’t “fit” with mine. They may not be curious about me. They may not want any more friends. They may not share my values or my interests. They may not be ready for coaching – or maybe they simply don’t care about my work.
These people are not wrong or bad.
Like I tell my kids, friends are like clothes. Some fit and some don’t. It’s OK when they don’t fit. There are other options!
Unless I have done something to hurt someone, which I always try to avoid, I don’t make it about me.
Find Freedom In Being The Real You
It is so freeing to think that another person’s rejection is not about me.
It gives me permission to say what I think and feel, with kindness.
It gives me permission to be bold with my work: to write and speak about what I am passionate about – and to make offerings that I believe will truly help people.
It gives me permission to love those people who don’t “like” me or want to hear from me.
It gives me permission to be the Real Me.
Tips For Learning To Think: “It’s Not About Me”
The next time someone says “No” to you or doesn’t do what You Want, consider these ideas:
- Is Their “No” Really About Them? Ask yourself if the other person’s “no,” rejection, or refusal is really just about their own struggles or desires. If someone says “no” or doesn’t like you, it is more often about them – not about you. I love to remind myself: “Everyone Is Fighting A Battle That You Don’t Know About.”
- Own Your Contribution To The Situation. It is powerful to see what you did or didn’t do to create the situation. If you asked for a raise and your boss said “No,” notice where you might not have worked hard enough. If you truly believe there was nothing else you could have done, see how the “No” could be about so many things unrelated to your true value. For example, the “No” could be about the economy, the company’s budget, or the company’s values to not adequately reward employees.
- View The Situation From A Balcony. Pretend you are sitting in a balcony watching you and the other person or situation unfold. See if you can get a better perspective from a distance.
- What Would You Say To Your Best Friend? Pretend the situation is happening to your best friend instead of you. Notice what you would tell your friend to depersonalize the situation.
When we can depersonalize other people’s behavior towards us, we create so much FREEDOM within ourselves. This freedom allows us to be who we are meant to be in this world.
Here’s To Creating More Freedom in Your Life!
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P.S.S.—Join me for a short Facebook Live tomorrow at 12:30 about how to improve your TO DO list!.