How To See Yourself Better

OUR COMPLAINTS ABOUT OTHERS ARE OFTEN COMPLAINTS ABOUT OURSELVES

“Audrey,” a copy editor, recently came to me quite upset that she had spent her weekend working on a “rush” job for her client, Paul.

Audrey was convinced that “Paul didn’t value her” because Paul had made a challenging, last-minute request that ruined Audrey’s weekend.

In addition to being a “demanding” client, Paul routinely did not pay his bills on time.

As we did some coaching, it became clear that Audrey wasn’t valuing Audrey when she agreed to change her weekend plans to finish work for Paul.

Audrey decided to own the thought, “I value me.”

When she began valuing herself, her time and her work, she made changes to her client agreement. She included parameters for weekend work, the extra costs involved, and the necessity of being paid promptly.

She then billed Paul for the extensive work. Paul paid her promptly. 😁

WHAT’S HAPPENING ON “YOUR SIDE OF THE FENCE?”

 Noticing your part in a situation is learning to look at the facts in an objective way.

I like to use the phrase, what is “your side of the fence?”

In every situation, there are two parts, and we each play a part.

Simply asking, “How did I contribute to the situation?” is very powerful.

Audrey’s complaint about Paul not “valuing” her was really a complaint about herself.

When Audrey took responsibility for her actions in the situation, she could then give Paul parameters for working with her.

Paul may still make last-minute requests or choose not to pay her on time, but now Audrey can decide whether to work with him – or not.

LOOK IN THE MIRROR…WITH HUMOR & COMPASSION

The next time you find yourself upset with someone or criticizing them for a particular action, try this:

  1. Take a moment to see where that criticism could apply to yourself. Have a sense of humor about it!
  2. Determine how you may have contributed to the situation.
  3. Don’t beat yourself – or the other person – up! We are ALL work-in-progress humans. 😉
  4. Do your best to frame the situation in an objective, non-personal way.

When we own our criticisms of others, it empowers us to take responsibility for the parts of the situation that we have control over.

💜😀💜

Kathy McCabe
Life Coach

P.S.—If you want to turn your criticisms into positive actions to make your life AWESOME…join my next “Transform Your Life!” Group starting this Saturday 4/28!!

“Self-Love” Tips

In Self Love 101, I blogged about the importance of committing acts of love towards yourself. I am following up with some of my favorite “self-love” tips:  

  1. Stop To Notice Your Thoughts.
    • Most of us have more than 50,000 thoughts a day. We “think” we know what we are thinking, but until we take time to stop and notice those thoughts, we are unaware of them.
    • A great way to notice your thoughts is through daily meditation, journaling (I offer a free journaling tool to help you do that), or setting a random reminder on your phone to notice what you are thinking.
    • Once you are able to “notice” your thinking, you can then determine whether your thoughts about yourself are helpful, loving, and make you feel better.
  2. Change Your Inner-Critic Chatter.
    • Many of us have an “inner critic” that is not loving towards ourselves.
    • Once we have noticed what we are thinking, we can make a conscious decision to stop our inner critic from taking over.
    • When the inner critic starts saying, “You are not good enough…” you can tell it to “STOP.”  You then have the opportunity to choose new thoughts that are more kind and helpful
  3. Practice Self-Compassion.
    • Quite often, the inner critic wants to “shame” us when we don’t meet a goal or veer off a diet plan.
    • Take 5 to 15 minutes a day to do a “Loving Kindness” meditation. It is a simple, self-compassion exercise and it’s very powerful.
    • When we are able to be compassionate with ourselves, our love for ourselves — and for others — will increase.
  4. Schedule Yourself.
    • Put yourself on the calendar!
    • Schedule your “me” time, in writing, every day.
    • Include your meditation or “quiet time,” in addition to exercise. Also, schedule fun activities you really want to do.
    • “Fun” is whatever lights you up!  It could be a walk in the woods, a manicure, or a trip to an art gallery.
    • When you put YOU on the calendar, you are much more likely to enjoy the activities you want, and you will grow to value and love yourself even more.

I’d love to hear if these tips help you!

xo
Kathy

If you are interested in my “Transform Your Life” Small Group Coaching Programs starting in March, email me!!!