Are You Stuck In Shame?

Shame Keeps Us Stuck. Taking Responsibility Frees Us.

How often have you felt guilty or “ashamed” about yourself or about something you did?

For example, have you ever felt “ashamed” about:

  • yelling at your kids?
  • being overweight?
  • drinking one too many glasses of wine the night before?
  • not being further along in your career than you “should” be?

As Don Miguel Ruiz writes: “Human beings are the only species on the planet who punish themselves over and over again.”

Repeatedly feeling ashamed just keeps us stuck.

How Can You Take Responsibility Instead of Sitting in Shame?

When I feel “shame,” it is because of my thinking. It is an emotion that really doesn’t move me forward.

When I feel guilty or ashamed, I try to be curious and compassionate about why I am thinking that way.

Then I do my best to take Responsibility for what I am feeling badly about.

For example, if I yelled at my kids (which never happens 😀) and I didn’t want to, I might feel ashamed.

However, if I take responsibility for yelling and admit I was wrong, my shame dissipates.

I can say to my child, “I am sorry I yelled, but I was very angry that you lied to me about X.” If this happens again, rather than yelling at you, I am going to enforce the consequence of Y.”

How Taking Responsibility Can Free Us of Shame

In response to the questions above, ask yourself this – instead of feeling ashamed…

  • How can I take responsibility for my weight and health, and also get support to help me lose it?
  • How can I take responsibility for drinking too much and make a plan to not do it again?
  • How can I take responsibility for where I am in my career and make a plan to figure out my next steps?

As with everything, remember to be curious and compassionate about your “shame” first.

Then see how you can take responsibility – even in the tiniest way.

Try it, and let me know if you feel more FREE!

Please share with the icons below.

💜😀💜

Kathy

P.S.–My Fall Groups are filling up fast! Grab your spot TODAY! BONUS for signing up soon😀

P.S.S.–My Mastermind MINDSET Group is FULL….CLICK HERE to get on the list for the January, 2019 Group!

Kathy McCabe
Life Coach

What is the Best Gift for your Kid?

Being Happy Is The Best Gift You Can Give Your Kids

I often hear some version of this from moms: “I am ‘sacrificing’ doing – or not doing – something I love to do in order for my kid(s) to be happy.” Or so we think!

I, like many parents I know, want to do everything I can to help our kids be “happy” – whatever that means.

But instead of allowing our kids to struggle or feel “bad,” “sad” or “mad,” we try to fix the situation or tell them not to “feel bad.” We often do this at the expense of ourselves.

Our “fixing-it” behavior backfires. It often makes us angry or resentful, and it does not serve our kids very well.

An angry or resentful parent does not help anything – as I know from my own personal experience!😀

You Can’t Control Your Kid’s Emotions

It is impossible to control the emotional experiences of another.  

I learned from the “horse-whisperer” Koelle Simpson, while on a horse retreat with her, that a wild horse cannot be “forced” to become calm by another horse or person. However, a calm person or calm horse can influence how fast that wild horse calms down.

Kids, like adults, need to learn that it is “OK” to feel bad, sad or mad.

They need to learn to process negative emotions in a healthy way instead of turning to food, drugs, or other negative behaviors to avoid feelings.

Importantly, they need to learn that someone else can’t “fix” their feelings.

As parents, we can be compassionate witnesses to their feelings and allow them to feel. The more we allow them to do this and work on being calm and happy ourselves, the more we can influence our kids in a positive way.

I did not grow up this way, so this is something I still work on and practice with my kids.

How Can You Work On Your ‘Happy’ Today?

I have noticed with myself and other moms I’ve coached that the more we work on our own happiness, the more positive our influence can be on our children.

Being a “happy mom” – whatever that means to you – is an everlasting gift to your child.

Is there one small thing you can do for yourself today that would make you happy?

I’d love to hear!

💜😀💜

Kathy

P.S.–My Fall Groups are filling up fast! Grab your spot today:

P.S.S.–My Mastermind MINDSET Group is FULL….CLICK HERE to get on the list for the January, 2019 Group!

Kathy McCabe
Life Coach