Learn To LOVE It When Someone Says “No” To You

Learning to not take things personally is such a gift to yourself.

I am a sensitive person.

I love it when people say “yes” to me. I love it when people want to be my friend, receive my blogs, or coach with me.

I have now learned, after several decades of living and plenty of coaching, to love it when people say “no” to me. It is a skill I have to practice.

If someone doesn’t want to be friends with me, or if someone unsubscribes from my email list or isn’t interested in my coaching, they are simply not “my people” –– and that is a good thing!

I don’t want to bother those people who are not interested in me or in what I do, or those people whose personalities or thinking don’t “fit” with mine. They may not be curious about me. They may not want any more friends. They may not share my values or my interests. They may not be ready for coaching – or maybe they simply don’t care about my work.

These people are not wrong or bad.

Like I tell my kids, friends are like clothes. Some fit and some don’t. It’s OK when they don’t fit. There are other options!

Unless I have done something to hurt someone, which I always try to avoid, I don’t make it about me.

Find Freedom In Being The Real You

It is so freeing to think that another person’s rejection is not about me.

It gives me permission to say what I think and feel, with kindness.

It gives me permission to be bold with my work: to write and speak about what I am passionate about – and to make offerings that I believe will truly help people.

It gives me permission to love those people who don’t “like” me or want to hear from me.

It gives me permission to be the Real Me.

Tips For Learning To Think: “It’s Not About Me”

The next time someone says “No” to you or doesn’t do what You Want, consider these ideas:

  1. Is Their “No” Really About Them? Ask yourself if the other person’s “no,” rejection, or refusal is really just about their own struggles or desires. If someone says “no” or doesn’t like you, it is more often about them – not about you. I love to remind myself: “Everyone Is Fighting A Battle That You Don’t Know About.”
  2. Own Your Contribution To The Situation. It is powerful to see what you did or didn’t do to create the situation. If you asked for a raise and your boss said “No,” notice where you might not have worked hard enough. If you truly believe there was nothing else you could have done, see how the “No” could be about so many things unrelated to your true value. For example, the “No” could be about the economy, the company’s budget, or the company’s values to not adequately reward employees.
  3. View The Situation From A Balcony. Pretend you are sitting in a balcony watching you and the other person or situation unfold. See if you can get a better perspective from a distance.
  4. What Would You Say To Your Best Friend? Pretend the situation is happening to your best friend instead of you. Notice what you would tell your friend to depersonalize the situation.

When we can depersonalize other people’s behavior towards us, we create so much FREEDOM within ourselves. This freedom allows us to be who we are meant to be in this world.

Here’s To Creating More Freedom in Your Life!



Kathy McCabe
Life Coach

P.S.—Want more FREEDOM in your life? Join my Tuesday In Person Group, find out more HERE or Fridays Online Real Joy Group…find out more HERE.

Are you curious about how coaching could help you accelerate your life goals, schedule a free mini session HERE!

P.S.S.—Join me for a short Facebook Live tomorrow at 12:30 about how to improve your TO DO list!.

Did You Take The 5 Day Challenge?

By now, I hope some of you have tried doing some daily journaling by using my “Create A Great Day Tool.” This tool serves as a “prompt” to help you get your thoughts on paper.

As I have seen over and over with myself and clients, journaling a little bit every day helps you understand what runs through your brain.

And remember: What runs through your brain, RUNS your life. 😀

You also should have received Ten Tips For More Real Joy Now as featured in The Mother List. I’d love to hear which tips have helped you the most!!

Finally, THANKS to all who have participated in the 5-Day Challenge!!! 

hope you all tried taking out the words “should” and “can’t” from your vocabulary.  

I know that I practiced better language…. OWNING what I wanted to do or not do, and what I wanted to think or not think about. I’d LOVE to hear how it went for YOU!

As some of you told me, you felt more EMPOWERED in your daily choices!! 

 🎶 YEAH!!  🎶

When we take RESPONSIBILITY for our language

We then take RESPONSIBILITY for our choices

When we take responsibility for our choices, we then take RESPONSIBILITY for our peace, happiness & JOY!

Our JOY is too IMPORTANT to give to someone else – and it DOES NOT depend on someone else!

Lastly, I highly encourage you to sign up HERE for a FREE Mini Coaching Session with me to help you learn a tool to increase your Joy NOW. I am only doing a few a week, and I would LOVE to support you! As different clients have said, coaching with me has:

  • “greatly improved my career and personal relationships”
  •  helped me “live more fully”
  •  helped me “live more joyfully in all areas of my life”

Check out more reviews HERE.

In case you missed any of the tools I mention above, I’ve linked to them below!

To A JOY-FILLED and Happy 4th of July! 🎆🎆🎆

Kathy McCabe
Life Coach

P.S.— I AM OFFERING TWO SUMMER COURSES on ‘FINDING REAL JOY.’ My in-person group starts Tuesday 7/17 (at noon) and meets for 5 weeks. Click HERE if you are interested. If you can’t make Tuesdays, I’m offering the same group course on Real Joy ONLINE on Fridays starting 7/20. Click HERE for more information.

P.S.S.— FOR LOCAL FRIENDS…I am offering a fun interactive workshop on Wednesday, July 11, at Neshama Yoga at 7 pm. Email me if you are interested!

Create A Great Day Tool

10 Tips For Real Joy Now

The 5 Day Challenge!

A while back I was published in The Motherlist for A Life Coach’s Advice on Real Joy. I cited 10 tips for finding real joy NOW.

Reviewing this list inspired me to create a 5 Day Challenge about Tip #8: “Drop ‘Should’ from Your Vocabulary.”

CHECK OUT this 2 Minute video about The Challenge below!!

For JUST 5 days, try NOT to use the word “should” or “can’t” in your vocabulary. (Instead, try using “I choose or choose not to” OR “I won’t”)

Language is so POWERFUL.

Removing these words from your vocabulary is a SIMPLE, but not always easy 😀, way to create some Real Joy NOW.

Leave a comment below if you are “IN” for this challenge!